For a long time trying to understand what men want in a woman for them to commit has become an uphill task. After some research and reading, I found out that maybe it is not that hard. I discovered 9 qualities that make men want to commit. These qualities are what men really want. The best part is that they do not involve you trying to change him.
Whenever I think of what men want in a woman, Being Mary Jane comes to mind and the many other shows that have been produced indicating women’s struggle to understand what men really want. But really, what do men really want?
Who am I though to answer this question? I did some little research and observed a few things that helped me draw a clear and concise answer. Maybe the best person to answer this would be a man, but the answer to this question will shock you. Well, will men ever tell us what they want?
What men really want
I really enjoyed reading Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. I got a deep understanding of how the psychology and reasoning of a man is very different from that of a woman. Day in day out, we ladies are looking for ways for ways to make our men happier. We are so needy for love that we forget one very important factor: ourselves. You forget about you.
But how does forgetting about yourself make the situation worse? Remember that if you are not happy, regardless of what somebody does, you will not happy. If you cannot love yourself and create happiness for yourself, who told you a man will make it happen. There is an illusion that being in a relationship will make you happy and that you will find somebody to fill you.
Watch this first, then you will know what I mean.
Relationships for sure, are meant to help us find and be with people who complement us. Instead, we are looking for somebody to fill the voids in our hearts. We are broken and we are looking for somebody to mend our broken selves instead of mending ourselves. In the search, we meet our exact match – someone else with a void just like yours wanting it to be filled. The question is who will fill who?
The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.Helen Keller
The main questions ladies ask themselves are:
- Why is my boyfriend not planning for a future? If he is, why doesn’t he discuss it with me?
- When will he propose?
- He looks like he is losing interest, what do I do?
- Is the problem me or him?
- Will I ever get married?
- I want a family, but he does not look like he wants to commit. What do I do?
These are genuine concerns and it is fine to ask yourself. If any of the questions has ever crossed you, girl, it is not just you. What I would like to pose to you is, do you really need all that? Why do you want to be proposed to? How will that make you feel? Is it true that it is how you will feel or you are imagining it is how you will feel.
As you go through what men really want from you, reflect deeply in your life and be very honest to yourself. Here are the 9 qualities that men really want. You will be surprised! Make sure to read the bonus.
What men want in a woman!
1. Self Confidence
I have never met a man who wants to be with a lady who thinks lowly of herself. However, confidence in excess can be pride which too, is nothing close to what men makes a man want to commit. How about just the right amount if self confidence?
Do you really need that makeup to feel you are pretty? Do you have to be told you are beautiful for you to believe that you are beautiful?
Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.Maya Angelou
This is the time to look into the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful. Girl, don’t wait for anybody to tell you that you are stunning. Do away with daily make up and embrace who and how you look. Let’s leave make up for those special occasions. You also do not need expensive stuff to validate yourself.
Raise your chin, shoulders up and walk because you are beautiful both in and out. Men really appreciate a lady who takes pride in being natural unless. . .
How can you learn to be more confident?
Every day you wake up, look at yourself in the mirror. Stare at your reflection and tell yourself all your strengths. Say it out loud. Also, do not forget that you have imperfections. There are a few things you are not good at therefore, acknowledge them but remind yourself that they do not define you.
If you feel you do not look good without something, try one day to do without it. Maybe you will not be told you look amazing, but you will prove to yourself that you do not need it to survive. Even though people look at you weirdly, reassure yourself that the world does not need to validate you for you to look amazing.
You gotta love you because nobody will love you if you do not love yourself.
If you haven’t watched this movie, find time and watch it. I really learnt a lot and I guess you too will. Yes girl, you will never be perfect!!
Stephen R. Covey, in the book: The 7 Habits of a Highly Effective People; habit number five is: seek first to understand then to be understood. Before you even dare to understand him, you have to understand yourself. It all starts with you.
What do you stand for? Who are you? What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? Do your weaknesses affect your relationship? Have you talked about it with your partner? Are you working on them? How do you handle emotions?
Then now, you seek to understand him. How does he like things done? Can you accommodate each other? What does he stand for? Does he compliment your weak areas? What do you like doing together? Can you tell when he is happy or not? Yourself, are you happy?
Understanding is more of a gift than a skill and I think you need to pray. All the same, you need plenty of patience and the first step is to take time to learn your partner. Start with the basics, his favorite food, favorite places and what makes his day.
What do you love doing? Of course not texting and calling all the time. Not social media as well. Before you got to your relationship, what was your life like? Who were you before him? You know why, because that is the person he fell for. I don’t think anybody wants you to drop your life unless there are other factors influencing the move.
You need to have something you spend your time on. Your hobbies, your job, your adventures and the lady you were. Even if you are not in a relationship, looking for a relationship should not be your core activity. A relationship will not complete you or make you happier. What if you have everything except a relationship?
Finding your passion
Search deeply within. Is a relationship the only thing you want? What if you don’t find one, does it mean you will never be happy? Patience is key; but telling yourself that you will be happy whether or not in a relationship is amazing. If it’s a business, you have been looking forward to start, the time is now. A hobby that you want to do more, go for it. Learn a new language or go for some cooking lessons.
Being passionate about something other than your relationship makes you live a purposeful life and eventually makes you happy. Your relationship is a compliment not something to fill your plate of life. It could be a missing piece but not a show stopper, because when the time is right and you have found true happiness, he will be at your doorstep – really? Not literally but yah!
Are you still asking what men want in a woman? Are you not yet convinced? Then, if you have trust issues then you are in for a ride.
We have all been broken at one point in time. Maybe or maybe not, you have been cheated on or lied to or come a situation that made you not trust people easily. It is good you know that you are not alone and at the very least, you owe somebody one chance. If they misuse it, it’s no longer your fault coz they messed up.
Trust but do not do it blindly. At the same time, do not be so insecure that it actually hurts your partner. It is okay to be hurt and we all have been hurt. You are not the first nor will you be the last. So just accept and give it a try.
Believe what he says, you do not need to know who he is talking to and allow him to have a life. If he respects you, he will not hurt you and if he does, he probably is not worth your trust. What if something happened that made you lose trust?
If you decided to forgive, then give him another clean chance. You made a decision to forgive and move on and that is exactly what you need. I got to learn that if he is serious about you and really respects you, he will not do anything that will harm your future. As with relationships, exceptions are so many therefore be wise.
5. Treat him well
I have often heard ladies say that they already have a child and they do not need to treat their men as children. This is a harmful statement. Listen up, you also have days you need to be treated with all the love, when you just want to be the special one and feel what it is like to have a day to yourself. This why you go for a spa day or manicure or pedicure and make yourself feel good again.
You know what, even he needs such days. Maybe they are more than yours but there is no need to judge him. He needs somebody he can rely on tough days, somebody who he can open up to without being judged and a support system. Allow him to break and be there to listen. Once in a while, volunteer to take him out. You know that one thing you hate but he loves, make a sacrifice and go for it. Surprise him on his birthday.
We only have one life and service makes you happier. Be that person he knows genuinely cares about him. If it makes him happier and feel more loved . . . do it for him.
I found this clip and I am sorry if you hate these people but it really suits what I talked about.
All these points are interrelated which means they revolve around the same idea or concept. You will realise that you need one quality for another to work. For this one, you need to be passionate about something and trust him.
Before you met him, you had a life. Of course, life changes in plenty of ways being in a relationship. Priorities switch up but at no point in time should you make a complete overhaul in your life. I know you love spending all your free time with him and that is incredible. However, it can be very tiring because I believe we all need time to re-energize and collect our thoughts.
Space to reenergize!
This can only happen if you have some time alone to just do nothing. Sometimes it is possible to both be in the same room but doing different things and in silence. For me, that’s normal even though not many think it’s normal. Space is about understanding what your man wants and how he gets his energy levels back. If whatever he does, does not harm you or your relationship, let him do it and if he wants it alone, do not feel bad.
It is also good to mention that nobody ever wants to be controlled. Generally, you cannot tell somebody where he can or cannot go. You cannot dictate how somebody will live their life and so there is absolutely no need to even try. Don’t be that controlling person that dictates he cannot go out with his friends. Remember, trust!
If the space is again too much, your relationship will begin to crumble. Therefore, it is a matter of balance so as to maintain positive and healthy space. If there is something that he does that hurts you, communicate to him kindly and find a solution together. Do not dictate! It will just draw him further away from you.
I don’t know if there is somebody who loves to listen to someone else whine all day. If all you do is complain and see the bad in everybody, you are toxic to your relationship. There is a lot that can happen in a day; many of which could be bad but there is something good at least. Even if there is none, find it.
Do not greet somebody with all the bad news in the universe; where do you want him to take the bad news? Always begin your day with a smile; greet with a smile and even if you will fake one at the end of the day, do it.
How can I be more positive?
Teach yourself to have something positive for each negative thing you say. An example, “Today my boss was really on my case but I learned how to say hello in Chinese”. It does not have to be a great deal, even the little things can make you happy if you allow them.
What if you are dealing with the toxic negativity from him?
Teach him to see the good. As he whines, listen. When he is done, show him the positive aspect that he missed. If it is too much for you, I assume you know what is best for you.
How often do you tell him thank you even if nothing great has happened? I am guilty of not remembering to say thank you because I assume its normal.
As I went along, I realised that nothing is normal in a relationship. Everything has to be treated as if it is the first time it has happened. Even if he brings you flowers every day, say thank you. If there is nothing to say thank you for, then tell him thank you for loving you with your imperfections.
Thank you, next
Being grateful is not always about saying thank you. It is about appreciating where you both are in life. you know very well there are things you cannot afford at the moment, do not pressurize him to buy them neither should you belittle him. As earlier mentioned, understanding is important. The economy is tough on everybody and the Instagram-worthy image is not worth your relationship.
Just thought I should mention that relationships and social media are enemies. Social media never wants your relationships to prosper because it never shows the ugly side and the hell amount of work that relationships need.
9. A friend
What qualities do you love in a friend? Share all those immature jokes that are not even funny but you both laugh to. Remember all the fights and laugh to them without causing another fight. Listen to him talk about all those football matches (probably, you don’t care), all the sports he loves and all those things he loves and become interested. Trust me, it wont cost you anything.
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.Friedrich Nietzsche
As you do all that, do not expect it in return. I don’t think he wants to know what happened in the latest episode of The Bachelor. Explaining why would be another 500 words but let’s say men’s and women’s communication style are very different and I will cover that in another post. However, I will give you a solution.
Find something that you both love doing – cooking, cleaning up etc. Find a show that you both enjoy and watch together. Watch his favorite sport and be on his opposing side… it will be fun. This is probably a nice thing to make your relationship more fun. But if you try it and he hates it, support his team next time.
I guess by now you know what men really want or what men want in a woman. Honestly, it may not have been what you expected but it is the truth. What men want in a woman is her and most of all, the real her. He does not want you to be what he wants, he wants you to be a strong confident and loveable lady.
A woman who has direction and believes in herself. That lady he met on the first day and fell in love with is who he wants. You had a life before him, all he wanted was to be accommodated but retain your life. Be you because that is what he loves. The real you.
Stop going about looking for what men want in a woman and try to be that, look for how to make yourself better. Get the qualities that will make you an irresistible woman.
I have summarized all the qualities in one page that you can download and place somewhere where you can read it daily and remind yourself of these qualities. It is available in the Free Goodies section if you have subscribed. If you are not yet subscribed, please subscribe and get it delivered to your inbox.
I really hope you have enjoyed the post. I tried to include every bit of detail and that has made this a very long post. It was exciting to write this. Long but worth the read. Please let me know if you enjoyed it.
If you are too lazy; 1. bookmark this page and read two qualities daily and 2. Download the summarized version here.